Hello, and Welcome to Carmel Consultants. My name is Rich Miller and I am a life coach dedicated to helping victims of Narcissist abuse, especially in worst case scenarios where there are children involved and they are being used as pawns in the Narcissist game plan to exploit and destroy the alienated parent and the children. My focus is on helping alienated parents who are not only victims of narcissist abuse, but who are being targeted, covertly harassed, stalked, and set up with double bind and no win situations. . . constantly. A situation where “no contact” is not only impossible, but the "shared children gateway" becomes a control and domination game for the narcissist ex spouse. If this language seems too dramatic for your taste, my coaching is not for you. The people who need my help are living a nightmare and are desperate for protection and a way out.
The ultimate goal is to go from protecting your legal freedoms, parental rights, and sanity to actually eradicating narcissist parasites from your life. My personal story is an epic ride through hell spanning two decades and involves the lives of my three boys, multiple legal authorities, criminal and civil actions, and more. In fact, my story is still in process. I have made dozens of mistakes, suffered great loss. I’m now translating my experiences into knowledge and support to guide other people through their challenges and trials of “sharing” children with a malignant narcissist abuser. This could be before or after the divorce.
Divorce, Child Custody, and Family Law attorneys are an integral part of the solution, but it’s important to understand that attorneys are limited and bound by the legal scope of their business. They cannot help you process the emotional trauma and abuse. And they generally cannot help you develop a game plan and strategy to escape and recover from a dangerous narcissist ex-spouse who is hell bent on destroying you and exploiting your children for sadistic pleasure and personal gain. When you hire an attorney, they expect you to already know what it is you want and provide clear directives. Your attorney will take your directives and work to achieve court orders for the best interest of your children and in some cases for your protection. But, unfortunately lawyers and court orders are only a small part of the overall solution.
It's important to understand that scheming narcissist ex-spouses DO NOT play by the rules. They have no empathy, ethics, or conscience, and there's a whole lot more to surviving the covert attacks of these people than simply hiring an attorney.
In a nutshell; Narcissists have three lethal personality traits: Malkin's, "3 E's of Narcissism":
1. An extremely exaggerated sense of Entitlement.
2. No Empathy. As in, none. They simply cannot and do not concern themselves with how they hurt or effect other people. They know what empathy and kindness behaviors look like and mimic emotional displays to maintain a position of control. They know what they are doing, but just do not care.
3. Exploitative. They exploit and consume other people for emotional, psychological, and spiritual fuel. The process and the end goal is to dominate and inflict suffering on their victims. The cruel and sadistic means by which they get what they need IS THE Primary OBJECTIVE. They have an insatiable drive to feed on their victims emotional trauma, confusion and helplessness.
Targeted victims (hosts) are usually set up long before the narcissist is exposed. They are being set up from the get go. Becoming aware of what they are doing and what they are all about is a process! It's a progressive revelation and healing process that involves regaining your identity. There is a whole vocabulary to narcissist abuse. Concepts like: being "poo-poo tested" for viability, triangulated by flying monkeys, cognitive dissonance, word salad, love bombing, cycles of abuse, projection, narcissist fuel, sadistic set ups, and lying one's butt off, etc. etc. Narcissists seek to exploit the naive and needy. People who were conditioned to put up with abuse . . .and those that simply don't know the red flags and signs of a skilled covert malignant narcissist.
Narcissists are masters at triangulating the authorities, legal systems and manipulating people as “flying monkeys.” They specialize in abuse by proxy, while they act as bystanders and victims. They've honed the art manipulation, drama and smear campaigns.
If they gain control of the children, it can be a gut wrenching. They will create a situation where it's better to just disappear than see the kids be used as pawns, micro-managed, and completely prevented from relating with you. Once the narcissist has been found out, the cult programming goes into overdrive.
The danger to both children and the alienated parent escalates exponentially when a narcissist becomes fearful of being exposed!
They will stop at nothing to destroy the victim that attempts to assert reason or reality in the face of their abuse and domination. Protecting the narcissist's false self is a matter of life and death. The false self will not tolerate exposure. Which means all out covert war and the absolute annihilation of the targeted victim. There are two sides to this coin, and many layers to the abuse.
On one side of the coin, they will erase you from having any control or influence in the children's lives. And on the other side of the coin, they will not let you go, keeping a tight reign on using the children to manipulate and maintain access to your emotional pulse.
They initiate and instigate "double bind" situations and events. The narcissist will alternate between premeditated and fabricated events and the daily scheming of relentless provocations, all designed to frustrate, trigger fear or get a defense response from the alienated parent. When they get a triggered response, they scream bloody murder, spinning chaos and crisis level deception for the audience.
Narcissists are pathological liars, they lie about everything! Every truth is spun and every lie has ten layers of hidden agendas. When their mouth isn't moving, they're still lying. Deception allows them to get on the inside without being detected.
The spiritual root and source of malignant narcissism is demonic. I am not alone in my understanding and belief. The devil is a liar, and the father of all lies. The name Satan means "slanderer" and "accuser." He slanders God, and accuses the saints, (Spirit filled believers). Satan's kingdom is the kingdom of darkness. The narcissist is basically a person given over to Satan, being used as an agent of his "kill, steal, and destroy" program here on earth.
Sadly, the narcissist doesn't know the love of God, and the power of being set free through a relationship with Jesus Christ. They refuse to repent of their sin, because it serves them. Narcissists, hide behind pride, religion, positions of authority and power, worldly achievements, and any other form of outward appearance, (idols). . .while refusing to face the reality of the depth of their wounds and the true condition of their rebellious heart.
I have a sermon in two bible sentences.
- "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
- Jesus said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life, no one comes to the Father but through me."
Jesus died, and rose from the dead, in fulfillment of the scriptures! No amount of good works, religion, or "faith" will amount to a hill of beans at the judgement. "Believers" that truly repent and are filled with the Holy Spirit are forever changed. Jesus breaths life into us, and by His Spirit we produce good fruit. Short of being "born again" no one can enter heaven.
Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the way that leads to life, and only a few find it. Beware of false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.…
I am a Christian. I am a father. It is my God given right, privilege, and duty to raise my three sons. Anyone who comes against a father and his children will be judged and held guilty in the heavenly court of God at the judgment. Whether you want to buy into that or not. I believe that God has a special plan and anointing on my three sons, and that's why the devil has targeted me and my sons. What I have been through and continue to go through is nothing less than spiritual warfare. Christians are lights in a sinful and fallen world, and the enemy hates us.
I married a malignant narcissist, went through four years of IVF, and was blessed with the miracle of triplet boys with her. (I thank God for my sons!)
With prayer and some distance, the spiritual veil began to lift. Four years ago, I began to binge watch videos on narcissism and read many books on the subject. I really only began to heal when I got away from my ex / malignant narcissist, and began to put the pieces together. The health issues (and other factors) that forced me to move from Texas to California was not a permanent decision to leave my sons, but it was the catalyst that unveiled the sadistic nature of what was behind the insanity and abuse I lived with as a victim in an abusive marriage for 16 years.
Narcissist's "romantic" relationships are predatory. They spin a tale designed to trigger empathy and connection, incorporating redemption and amazing recovery. For example; the history of a teenage runaway and street smart manipulator becomes a "miracle of God redemption story." I bought the "living miracle story!" - and filed every "unacceptable" behavior under the category of empathy and understanding. "Unacceptable" in hindsight, really means mind blowing bull$#%#.
Men, and Fathers, who are capable leaders in their homes are the narcissists most viciously hated and most coveted targets.
The most wicked woman in scripture was Jezebel. She was a queen and married to king Ahab, a codependent subordinate to her leadership, manipulations and deceptions. Jezebel hated male authority and surrounded herself with hundreds of false prophets who she put on the kings payroll. Her servants were eunuchs.
Eunuchs in the Bible. - DEFINITION AND TERMINOLOGY. A eunuch is defined as someone (usually a man) whose testes (and sometimes also penis and scrotum) have been destroyed or removed. This leads to sterility, and (depending on the stage of life at which it is done) to various degrees of impotence and loss of libido.
Jezebel hunted, tortured and murdered hundreds of God's prophets. Jezebel hated the God of the Israelite's and set up temples to the demon god Baal and sacrificed children to Baal while engaging in massive sex orgies. Her husband, king Ahab supported her.
The biblical narrative of the Jezebel spirit is the exact detailed description of what psychology is labeling, "Malignant Narcissism." Jezebel is recorded in the old and new testaments as a person and as an evil spirit, both. And whether narcissism is understood as Jezebel the demonic spirit, or Narcissism the individual with a "psychological disorder," . . .it's become an epidemic in our our time. Narcissism is a supernatural phenomenon, not a psychological defect or disease. Secular psychologists categorize the behavior as "evil," primarily because of the sadistic motivation and the carnage these people leave behind. The Satanic power behind a malignant narcissist is more intelligent, cunning, and powerful than what meets the eye. It's my strong belief that dealing with narcissist abuse as if it's a psychological aberration is a misdiagnosis and only a surface understanding of the spiritual reality.
This is important because the highest and best solution is a spiritual solution. Incorporating "holistic" healing, mind, body, and spirit. Prayer and biblical truth are the reprogramming tools that helped me, . . . alongside massive doses of education.
The difficulty in healing from narcissist abuse in situations where there are kids involved is. . .its a chore to get free from the abusive parent. The narcissist parent will not only alienate you from the children, control their entire lives, but will actively scheme and get off on a life of vicious and relentless attacks on you the alienated parent. Healing and recovery is very difficult under these circumstance. The overwhelmingly agreed first step solution for recovery and healing from narcissist abuse is always, "NO CONTACT." There is a dilemma for the alienated parent; How do they do what they can to maintain contact with the children, while going "no contact" from the narcissist other parent who is hellbent on destroying your life? . . . and heal at the same time?
The answer to that question is a book, and the substance of my coaching concept. How? I have had to wrestle with this question through many stages of recovery and healing. I still don't have all the answers. The situations and circumstances can be very complicated, especially if the narcissist has already destroyed your resources and "positions of strength." I put that in quotes, because "position's of strength" are what we have in the natural world, and what we have in the spiritual world. I have put much of my stock into the spiritual world positions of strength, because I have had to. God himself has been my refuge and high tower. In the natural, I haven't a chance. My enemy is far more capable than me. But in the spirit, I can do all things through Christ.
For the purpose of validating the targeted parents out there, I will continue to write about the natural, tangible experience of being alienated and targeted. In most cases police, courts, Judges, and everyone in the narcissists web will believe the narcissists stories, even refusing further evidence. Narcissists don't just tell lies, they live an entire screen play of lies as the leading actor in their own drama. They believe their lies and at the same time they are conscious of their lying. Their life IS a lie. The authentic self has been split, disassociated and in bondage to shame and terrorized fears of abandonment. If only the narcissist could know the power of God to destroy the yolks of the enemy. Jesus died for the narcissist, and everyone of us sinners.
Jesus loves every one of us, and if we surrender our lives. . .no matter how far gone or messed up we are. . . there is life and healing found in Jesus Christ.
Judas, betrayed Christ. . .but had his grief for what he'd done been understood in light of the love of God, and God's ability to forgive he might not have hanged himself. It's just a theory. The narcissist is not beyond hope. No more than you or I or anyone is beyond hope. For God so loved the world, that he gave His only begotten son so that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. That applies to narcissists too. Jesus tells us to pray for our enemies! To forgive all people of all things. He says, turn the other cheek. But he also says that there's a time to pick up a sword and fight for what's right. We are told to expose the deeds of wickedness and come against abusers. We are commanded to protect, provide, and care for children.
Abused children need to be rescued, protected, and removed from the abusing parent! Evil must be addressed and stopped. Life is not a collection of individual perspectives. There is truth. Children should never be exploited and abused under the delusion the children seem OK to me. Parental Alienation needs to be criminalized. It's child abuse! Every claim of parental alienation needs to be turned into a police incident, investigated and if discovered, prosecuted as a criminal offense. Abducting Children shouldn't be some gray area that's pawned off by police as a "civil matter." This leaves the abusing parent a "righteous" platform to attack and abuse the targeted parent. That's crazy! It's upside down. The whistle blower on child abuse gets slammed with harassment charges and District Attorney's bless it. That's my experience in the State of Texas. I have warrants for my arrest, and a restraining order issued against me, preventing me from attempting to communicate with my children. This restraining order was issued as a result of an emergency hearing, while I had no contact with my children or my ex, . . . and had been denied knowing wher they lived for 9 months prior! I not only didn't do anything worthy of any of the charges, or restraining orders, but endured constant harassment, email death threats should I choose to come to Texas and look for my children. I was told that I would be shot and killed if discovered even in the neighborhood. And now, I am being subject to a constant barrage of court orders demanding that I provide private and personal information to the courts ranging from my medical records to phone records to the passwords all my social media accounts. The court ordered demand for my information isn't just violating, it's a total disregard for my safety. Especially since I have made it absolutely clear to police that I have been harassed, stalked, and viciously attacked and threatened by my ex, the woman demanding that I submit to a full scope investigation into my life, . . .based on the false narrative that I am hiding something that belongs to her and the children. Not just income but things like my personal journals. It's insane. Police suggest I go get a restraining order on her, . . . the mother of my children whom I don't even know where she lives and has removed my parental rights and has a restraining order on me, and lives 2,000 miles away. I am mocked in incident reports for "dismissing the idea," and for not taking appropriate action.
My children have abducted and basically kidnapped. I am being viciously attacked and harassed and threatened. I am trying to heal from insane levels of prolonged abuse, and I pay child support that amounts to 80 to 100% of my pretax income! I don't even own a car because I had to sell it to pay child support. I would be homeless if I didn't have my parents back bedroom to live in. And, I am the dead beat dad! The dad who was forced into bankruptcy, because my wife had a gambling addiction and systematically sabotaged everything valuable. I am the dead beat dad, yet I was sole provider for our home from the day we got married to the day we divorced. I am the deadbeat dad, yet I bought five homes (in my name only because of my wife's horrible credit), I am the deadbeat dad yet I built a semi custom 5K s.f. home for $998K. I am the deadbeat dad, yet I built Northern California's most successful concrete coatings companies from scratch. I paid for a dozenluxury vacations, moved all over hell and back to save the marriage. . . and now. . . I am the dead beat dad. I left home at 19, took my 4.0 gpa from Junior college and 12K I earned flipping burgers through high school, got two more BA degrees from CSU,Chico . . while working full time with not one dime assistance from the government or parents. . and graduated Phi Kappa Phi, honors society, with a 3.99 gpa. And. . . yet. . . somehow my destroyed life is a perfect fit for the deceptive narrative that I need to be raked over the coals and treated like garbage. . .abused and harassed by attorneys, while having been prevented from seeing my own children for the past four years. . . since they were 10 years old. Triplet boys, who have been brainwashed and used as pawns in an evil woman's scheme to take advantage of the system, foolish policeman, and an entire legal system that denies victims of abuse any justice!
Twenty five million families in the United States of America are victims of parental alienation, where one parent is erased and the children are subjected to brainwashing and tyrannical cult style abuse. Court ordered custody agreements don't mean jack in the US of A. If your financially broke you are labeled the beat dad, and the "justice" system supports making an example out of you. If you don't have money for attorney's because your fighting for your life and doing everything you can just to pay child support, . . . you become a target. It's very difficult to not only stay out of jail, but find a safe place to heal and get up and out of the "rut."
Now . . . this applies to married women, but it also applies to those that divorce their husbands and simultaneously attack them while demanding they pay with body organs and blood. --- Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.
This isn't just about money. It's not about the kids either. It's about being able to destroy someone and maintain a source of narcissistic fuel for the sadistic driven abuser. They domination and the abuse is the drive, behind the exploitation and all the legal wranglings. These people, malignant narcissists are vicious abusers who will never ever give up. It's their life goal to destroy people and relive their sick need for masochistic and sadistic abuse. They hate themselves. As Sam Vaknin puts it, "the narcissist hates to be loved, and loves to be hated."
Children are nothing but a casualty of the big bucks that drive the divorce courts. The children and the family has been thrown under the bus in America. The legal authorities that are supposed to protect people, parents, and the children are turning truth and justice upside down, all to maintain control over a problem they created in the first place. The supreme court has deleted God and truth. Traditional family values, especially biblical values are hated. The system actually targets the innocent and helpless. It victimizes the victims, all in the name of the law and justice. The bible guarantees it and history predicts it, the nation that exploits the weak and turns good into evil and evil into good. . .will fall. The USA is quickly moving toward being "assimilated" into a "global subjection," all in the name of sustainable foolishness! The writing is on the wall. I love my country, and I am not an advocate for throwing in the towel. I am man, just one man, put in a position to fight for my children, my life, and the truth. My life and my boys lives matter.
I have a Texas policeman, who's bought the whole smear campaign against me, refuses to return my calls, and has made it his mission to stir up the police in my town, 2000 miles away. I was surrounded and held on a "psyche hold" by eight Lincoln, PD one Sunday on the way to church. I was held and questioned, . . .I will say it again by EIGHT POLICEMAN, four cop cars, . . . because this Detective in Texas decided to make me his special project. Just following this my ex, mocks me with an email about the "psych hold" she knows about. How. . .because the Detective told her. How did the Detective know? Because he instigated it here in California. That's beyond unethical. That's corrupt and may be even part of a future law suit. The brotherhood of police is a good thing, but not when it's driven by a misguided cop who refuses to evidence and will not take or return my phone calls. And, takes offense when I expose what he's doing by writing letters to high level officials in Texas and in California. I am being treated like a criminal because I won't conform to the abuse program. . . and I actually have the gumption to come against the unethical and abuse of police power, exposing the corruption of not just an individual cop, but a policeman who is Travis County's "Policeman of the Year!" I guess that means he's above the law. I have no choice, I am not going away, and this policeman who thinks that he is going to bully me into abandoning my intent on rescuing my sons is a fool. I have already lost my life. Anyone that gets between me and the best interest of my children will be exposed for participating in child abuse. And that means the attorney's that represent my ex, everyone. Their ego and reputations are at stake because they refused to take my cries for help, my articulate claims of child abuse, my demands for protection from my ex's attacks and harassment. . .and its their fault. They should have investigated the things I said. Everyone refusing information and evidence is and will be held liable and negligent and both for civil damages and for criminally abuse, toward me . . . and my children. If Texas wants to ramp it up, I am all in. Short of killing me, this isn't going away! I put it this way. . . to the attorney's attacking me, "How do you measure the loss of a father in the lives of three boys?" . . . and the attorney's response was to ignore that question and fire back what they were going to do to me in the courts. I stopped being amazed at the cruelty and the callous nature of people in the "legal and justice" system. Here is what I have going for me, . . .God, and his power to defend his children who are being viciously attacked. God, and his power to expose and turn the tables over on liars, child abusers, and parental alienating mothers. God, and his ability to bring truth to the surface. And. . .an attitude that I've been through a number of fights in my life, and this one is no different. I will either win, or I will die trying. Oh, and I have a sharp mind and I believe God gifted me with the power of the pen. People need to sit back and think. . . what is it that this man knows, that hasn't come to the surface yet. And. . . what if something were to happen to those boys that could be directly attributed to the mother's covert "negligence." And what if we can't kill this guy, put him in Jail, or make him shut up and go away? I tried to redirect people. I tried to get people to consider new evidence. I have written heartfelt and persuasive letter, but no one is listening. Like I said in one letter months back to Judges and Assemblyman and Public Officials, this case may become a pivotal case to put parental alienation and child abuse on the map! I pray for the day when I will be leaving Texas with my children. The mother is hellbent on destroying my life, therefore I have no other option other than to fight through exposing her abuse and attacks any way I can. I have no financial ability to take her to court at this time. But I have the ability to communicate and write letters, and maybe even develop a YouTube channel and a coaching business. I am not going to continue to live like this. And I refuse to be the perpetual host for parasite and her insanity. And, . . . I am not going to be bullied by attorney's or by the police. I see two outcomes, either "you people" will all get together and kill me, or frame for some crime, or something miraculous will happen to clear my name, and I will get the legal support I need to stop this abuse. I can't presume that I know what God is going to do, but I am praying for a complete and final resolution. I plan to do my part, I pray I do not overstep God's plan. I have faith that God is going to do something good.
The narcissist's attack on the alienated parent by exploiting and abusing the children will never end as long they have any custodial control over the children. After my boys mom called three ex parte (emergency) hearings in three weeks here in California, I coined the term: Disneyland Family Court Adventures! . . because the narcissist eats up court dramas as a acting opportunity. Similar to a a role in a stage play, where one performs for an audience. The ridiculous behavior of my ex in court, netted me a court order to pay for the highest level psychological evaluations on the both of us. I was ordered to pay for it, since she was on a psyche disability! This court ordered psyche evaluation was estimated to cost between $5,000 and $7,000, over 4 to 6 months. It started with a bang. . . where they very angry psychologist who was setting up the program appointments attacked me for "all I had done" to my poor wife. Nothing new. I was attacked non stop. It's been 20 years of this. The more the narcissist can use the legal system to keep you entwined, the more motivated they are to keep the drama going. It's that simple. And the more the courts and attorney's make money orchestrating "justice" without any ethical or liable backdrop, the system will continue to promote evil. The narcissist needs no shred of reality to justify any part of their evil thinking. If they feel it, - it's real.
If you still have access to your children in some form, the children will be emotionally abused via micro managed phone calls, schedule games, etc. The children's depression and psychological issues will be silently, "dog whistled" to you in the process. You will know what the narcissist is doing, and they will know that you know what they are doing, but the outside world won't be able to see it. At the same time the fact the children are suffering will be spun as a narrative to exploit the outside world with a projected deception of how its all your fault. The children are suffering because of you, the alienated parent! The narrative will center on you being the dead beat dad and some version of how you either abandoned the children and or refused to take responsibility for your share of the children's support. And of course there will be the never ending cry for more money and the injustice of the situation they are forced to deal with. One of my ex's favorite things to do, was to have the children call me, stand over them, coach them and dictate what they should say, . . and then when I point out how they are being exploited and abused, she would rip the phone from their hands and scream into the phone something to the effect that I was violating the "children's bill of rights." - meaning essentially that children shouldn't be pulled into the middle of the parents issues. Then she would slam the phone down on me. I had some version every phone call for the past four years, up until a year ago when she blocked all communication, except on Christmas during a restraining order to set me up and the kids for disappointment. Every phone call or attempt to send a birthday gift was either blocked or turned into an attack. I never got a single response from my kids for cards, gifts, or money. I had no idea if they even got what I sent. By the time she moved and refused to let me speak to the kids. . . I was glad, . . .for my kids sake. Six months later I was served with a restraining order legally preventing me from even contacting or communicating with my own children. Now it was legal; no gifts, no cards, no communication allowed, not even through a teacher. Or I would be arrested and subject to 6 months in jail and a $5,000 fine. And yet, . . . I couldn't take her to court if I wanted to. I didn't even know where she lived. And yet. . .I am being harassed by attorneys and courts for trumped up garbage. My ex's attorney refuses to get on the phone, . . .instead she just sends demands and threatening letters. I tell them I will comply to any reasonable request, but I just need to know exactly what they want and why. The response was, an email with more legal threats from the attorney. Amazing!
My intent here is to tell my story, . . . and validate the alienated parent, explain the dynamics and the worst case scenario as experienced by myself and thousands of parents. My case is one of the worst! As a divorced father who originally had "equal custodial" access and responsibility for my three boys, what it's become is truly off the charts abusive. It's been traumatic and almost unexplainable. The only way to understand it is to have gone through it. Very few therapists, attorneys, friends or family members are capable of understanding the horrific pain and grief and trauma of what I went through and continue to go through. I grew up never even imagining such a sick ordeal was possible. A parent is able to take the children, abuse the snot out of them, and turn it into a victim case where she attacks the alienated parent!
Here is a real kicker part to this true story? My ex is a Guardian Ad Litem in Travis County, Texas, Family Courts. What's a Guardian Ad Litem? A G.A.L. is a court appointed investigator and report for high conflict divorce situations where the children are being parentally alienated and abused by one parent! No joke. And she is the worst violator on the planet. I pissed off the detective who's targeting me by pointing out the absolute hypocrisy and corruption of their legal system.
Originally, here is all I really wanted. To have my name cleared, and freedom to be a father to my children. I want the abuse to stop. I want to be protected from the attacks. After that I want my custodial rights restored. I want to be able to spend time freely with my kids at least half the time. Now, . . .regardless of my current circumstance and the "never going to happen" forecast, . . . my boys need to be protected from their mother's covert control and bully style brainwashing. The only way this is going to happen is if a Judge is able to put the pieces together, see the patter, expose her myriad of con job deceptions, . . . and put his or her foot down and put some measurable changes in place. The problem is, my ex, the abusing mother cannot stop what she is doing if her life depended on it. I have ability to exercise visits with my children, but sadly my life has been so buried in abuse, that my functional recovery is still in process. In the first 18 months I was prevented from exercising any of my custody time and had four scheduled visits destroyed. The boys expected my visits and each time just three days prior they were shipped off to some unknown location and their cell phones were "left at mom's house." The mom refused to respond to my calls, except to send cryptic messages about my attempt to kidnap the children. I never saw my kids. Plane tickets and hotels were booked, my bags were packed, the kids had just talked with me. But, I chose not to go last minute each time, because I had ten years of being set up. I am talking criminal allegations, covert ambushes, etc.
I am looking for God's leading for an opportunity to expose the entire lying game, and the abuse! Every ounce of empathy and understanding for the mother is gone. I pray for her, but she belongs locked up. And it's very possible if I was able to get a dedicated and ethical investigating detective to take my case, review my piles of evidence. . . the dozens of abusive emails and threats. . the dozens of emails where I type bold face emphatic responses, "STOP HARASSING ME! I do believe things are heating up. I feel it. I firmly believe that if the authorities used the same standard of law they used to issue warrants for my arrest. . . they would be forced to issue warrants for my ex wife's arrest. I have said that repeatedly in letters to the DA and to 45 other public officials, Assemblyman, politicians, etc. If only someone would allow my evidence and documentation to be submitted and considered. If only justice and truth mattered. If only this classic Texas attitude and ego driven "Texas Policeman of the Year" would stop viciously attacking and setting me up. If only he had morals and ethics, instead of a corrupt agenda to protect what he thinks he knows in denying what he refuses to let come to the surface. If only the "don't mess with Texas" attitude wasn't such a mental midget excuse to be retarded and bullying. If only. I fully expect to either be murdered by my ex, or some version of set up and taught a lesson by police. . . should I ever enter the State of Texas. . .or somehow be gotten to from afar. I have no other choice but to express myself freely and call out the corruption and evil for what it is. . .because in my mind, I will either go down as a father who didn't speak up and took it, . . .and my boys will have no chance at life. . .or I will speak up and absolutely know that I am making myself a target of anger and retaliation by police. . .but. . .I chose to do what's right and just as relentless as my psycho ex wife has targeted me. . .I will relentlessly pray, seek the Lord's intervention, and do what I can when I can.
I left out volumes of information related to this story. Volumes! Corrupt CPS involvement. Eighteen months without seeing my kids while I supported my ex and the kids in Colorado, while I worked night and day to provide for two households. Stuff nobody knows, because the narcissist abuser has selectively spun reality and truth into lies. Events like, the next door neighbor and his creep friend physically attacking - forcing me against my own front door, trying to choke me out with their hands. . . because my ex twisted them up with lies about me, . . and on and on and on. Nobody could even imagine the life I have lead for the past 20 years, . . .and now for the past 14 years having "shared children" with a psychotic, malignant narcissist monster.
Let's move on. I have more to share.
Parental Alienation is in reality many things. Three to understand:
- It's Child Abuse for sure. Psychologists agree that it's more difficult and more devastating than even being exposed to prolonged childhood sexual abuse. It's a total mind screw to the child. The children's identity and self are trampled and reality twisting is so severe that psychological splitting, loss of self and self rejection, self hatred, and self sabotage become the conditioned normal for the child. Narcissistic "parenting" is the most evil use of the gift of parenting and a reversal of all responsibility. It's a total violation of the child and the extreme opposite of a nurturing responsible parent. It takes advantage of the dependence and vulnerability of the child. The narcissist's conscious intent is to annihilate the child's development and destroy any independent identity, for the sick benefit of creating a life long host for the abusing parent. They isolate and control every aspect of the child's life, playing the part of caring provider and at the same time subjecting the child to unpredictable fits of rage and severe discipline of any resistance. The narcissist parent demands that the child adopt the false reality and robs the child of the ability to decipher the difference between sick abuse and the precious needs of a child's need for parental protection and love. Children lose hope for being loved and live in fear of disappointing or upsetting the dominating parent. The child is forced to maintain a front and facade for the "good parent" while being subjected to the psychological splitting and torture behind closed doors. The children adopt a worthless mindset. They are force fed the narrative of how the "bad parent," while the alienating parent plays the empathizing protector. The bottom line is, the child internalizes the abandonment as a reflection of their inherent failure and fault. Hopelessness and trauma will kill a child. Narcissistic parent is worse than ongoing incest, because the child is not only being tortured psychologically, the source of the pain and suffering is spun as the source of love and protection. Their is no way to identify the enemy and wall off the pain. There is no defense mechanism for the brain to split and find safety. It's the worst kind of child abuse and torture a child can endure.
- It's Child Abduction. With a spin. The ex-spouse can legally get away with moving without sharing any details of their location. Period. In the United States of America. The alienating parent need not be concerned with any consequence or recourse for simply moving and blocking the alienated parent from knowing where they live or how to contact them. It's easy enough to do, and can be spun as further evidence of the alienated parents "abandonment." The alienating parent might even get a bogus restraining order then preventing the alienated parent from communicating with the children via the school or other known access points. At this point missing persons reports are seen as "stalking" the "victim's" which is now enforced by police action to prevent you from "hurting" your ex spouse and the children. A total upside down bag of lies. An injustice and evil of immeasurable magnitude. Under this regime, the alienating parent will most likely refuse to give up the domination and control high they get from knowing how they can inflict pain, so they will then find creative ways to access your life and continue to use the children. This might be to set you up on Christmas, attempting to get you to talk to the kids, while having a double bind whammy in place; if you talk to the kids you will be arrested, if you don't you are the bad father who doesn't care about the kids. And either way, the kids experience deep emotional pain for being played and being forced to experience another sick experience in order to further reinforce the con job that dad rejected and abandoned them. These types of events strengthen and insure the trauma attachment with the victimizing abuser and allows the alienating parent to exercise all the benefits of child abduction. Without legal recourse to expose the narcissistic exploitation of your children, the grief is at least on par with having your child abducted and seeing your child's face on a milk carton. In my case, the restraining order came as a welcome relief, at the time thinking that will be the end of the sick twisted phone calls with my children who are forced to extract information from daddy and at the same time be terrorized with fear of even communicating anything real. The only difference between a stranger abduction and a parental alienating child abductor, is the legal protection the latter has to continue doing what they are doing. The narcissist - parent alienator - child abuser - child abductor has the freedom to spin a victim narrative and attack the alienated parent without any hint of consequence. And still receive child custody payments. Oh, and create fraudulent court cases to remove your legal parenting rights, pin harassment charges on you, and use the courts as a circus for gaining financial rewards for the "neglect" and abandonment." Because, of course, it's not that you had your children taken from you. It's that you abandoned your children and are a "dead beat dad." This is so insane to me, a 57 year old good father, living in the United States of America. . . that it's beyond my ability to even comprehend or process. There is no other crime, more vile and vicious than a malignant narcissists abduction and abuse of innocent children. I can't contain myself, I am so disgusted with our legal system and the wickedness of the individuals that not only refuse to investigate, but willingly participate in such evil. I am a father that hasn't seen my boys in almost four years, since they were 10 years old. Fraternal triplet boys, who lived with me and were nurtured and protected and loved.
- It's a vicious attack and abuse of the alienated parent! Parental Alienation and all of the covert "methodology" that goes with it is one of the sickest forms of harassment and abuse. It's a platform for harassment, threats, stalking, and vicious attacks! Parental Alienation is a sadistic gateway for malignant narcissist's to use the children to target an ex-spouse (the alienated parent) for a life of vicious attacks. Using the children, the legal system, or anyone that will take a vested interest in the children and the damsel in distress deception. Note: Narcissism has no gender. The male narcissist just runs a slightly different narrative. The attacks can and most often become relentless and unrestrained, and so covert and camouflaged under the smear campaign, ad hoc logic, . . .that their attacks are almost impossible to prove. (I will disclose many of their tactics in future videos and writing). The malignant narcissist will usually run a covert operative to harass, stalk, and viciously attack the alienated parent with the assistance of police and attorney's While sending bold faced email and phone call death threats, telling bold face lies to acquire restraining orders, cyber stalking, predatory phony social media profiles, remote computer access through keystroke software, back door access to social media accounts, remote phone hacking, smear campaigns, and court ordered "compel to comply" demands for invasive deep dives into your personal information, etc. etc. etc. Malignant narcissists are masters at setting up false events for the purpose of pinning contrived criminal charges on the alienated parent. A malignant narcissist in jeopardy of being exposed will do anything! They may hire or "convince" an ex con they met on a dating site to kill the alienated parent. There is no limit to what a malignant narcissist will do. It's "win at all costs," and they will never give up.
Ephesians 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Brace yourself, because if all of the above descriptions aren't enough, "The worst case scenario EXIT PLAN" for a narcissist on the verge of being caught is for the narcissist to exercise one or many of the following options: Murder the alienated parent, stage a bait and switch event to get the alienated parent arrested and convicted of a crime, manipulate the children into false claims of abuse against you, commit suicide, murder the children, murder the children and commit suicide, turn the children against one another, exasperate the child or children to the point of suicide, have something awful happen to the children that can be explained away as an accident (that's a big one), employ another sicko relative or predictable child abuser to perpetrate a sadistic crime on the children, "go crazy" and stage a scene and then self admit oneself to a psych hospital - under the narrative they can't take the abuse any longer. Or any combination of the above.
The narcissist does not love the children, but only uses them. When the children become a liability instead of an asset, they will be dumped into "the system." By that time, the legal ground will have been set up to keep the alienated parent from being able to rescue the children from CPS control and foster "care." And the state will justify the abuse as some version of "in the best interest of the children."
The primary goal in a narcissists "successful exit plan" is to destroy everything and everyone, burn the building to the ground and walk away from the flames looking like a courageous victim.
I didn't get this information from books. I got it from my previous experiences with this person. A combination of her history before me, my experience with her, and extensive research on the "malignant narcissist."
The narcissist will play both victim and victorious over-comer as needed. If they are getting all the attention they need, they will peacock with grandiose displays, basking in the attention and position of power. If they aren't getting their way, they will play the victim to the hilt, and attack the target (both the children and the alienated parent.)
A full blown malignant narcissist will demand justice and scream their false narrative til they either destroy their victims. . . or be "forced" into some version of their exit plan. The children suffer at every stage of the process. Covert strategies, projected narratives, deniable realities are central to how the narcissist abuses the children. Children experience tyrannical control, neglect and exposure to traumatizing events, circumstances and people. All of which is part of the abuse process long before the discard and exit stage of the malignant narcissist. For example; the children could end up being pushed into a suicide or put in a situation to be exploited or bullied by other children or adults, while the Narcissist parent actually supervises and orchestrates the event, . . . then capitalizing on the tragic wounds of the child, then presenting themselves to the child as the sympathizing and comforting protector. Again, this is not a dramatization. I have testimony and experience, yet to be taken seriously. The malignant narcissist feeds on the abuse by proxy done to the children, and then enjoys the opportunity to share the mutually understood reality with the alienated parent. Another words, both the narcissist and the alienated parent both know what's really being said. The narcissist feeds off of the domination high they get while inflicting vicious and sadistic pain on helpless victims. The covert malignant narcissist is a master manipulator, extremely clever and almost never caught.
This information is not some melodramatic version of malignant narcissist abuse. On one hand I know the history and see the projected future, but on the other I am hopeful and have faith for a miracle upset for the enemy. I believe God is in control, he answers prayers, and my boys will be rescued from the sick abuse of their malignant narcissist cult leader / mother.
Narcissists can be highly resourceful. Without any regard for the children they will easily enough do what it takes to "survive." In a pinch to buy time they may be forced to downgrade to a "stepping stone" victim by high-jacking an old man or old woman for reduced rent and elder care. Or maybe even move in with a drug dealer or registered pedophile.
I called my ex on her refusal to provide me her and the children's address. I told her, I know it's not for safety and it's not just to abuse me and control the kids. . .it's also a need to keep me from knowing and exposing how she is getting what I can't prove but would bet dollars to donuts on. . . she's getting "free rent" by some manipulative exploitative way. If you checked into the previous owner of her car, I can bet dollars to donuts she bought it from someone at the church and after registering the vehicle, "failed" to make full payment. Dollars to donuts I'm right.
There is hope. I firmly believe the solution is first to find God in the midst of the situation. The solution may be a counter-intuitive life change that God orchestrates. I don't know.
Its been two years sitting on an idea to launch a YouTube channel. I have a mountain of experience and a slice of wisdom to offer the men and women out there who are being abused by a narcissist using their kids, . . .and at the same time I struggle to put this whole nightmare behind me and find a purpose that has nothing to do with narcissist abuse. It feels like I'd be playing into the devils hands by focusing on this topic, especially since it's a web my narcissist ex created. And on the other hand, I feel a need to tell my story, help other people, make a difference in the world. At one point I jokingly said that I could write a book and it would be called, "Don't Do What I Did!" But, the truth is I did the best I could with the information I had at the time. I've been put in a situation that has no road map. Recovery from narcissist abuse leaves a person with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. . . health issues, mind transformation work, and a boatload of healing to do. End the end, the person has a good chance of coming out with a whole lot more wisdom and life experience, never to repeat the same monumental mistakes. For me, it's been a journey of spiritual development and faith stretching. In some ways, God had to discipline me. I played the Ahab part to Jezebel. But. . .I have to stop here and say. . .In narcissist abuse, and parental alienation THERE ISN'T TWO SIDES TO A STORY. THERE IS ONLY TRUTH AND DECEPTION.
If you even suspect your spouse or ex-spouse is a covert or malignant narcissist, . . . I encourage you to get educated on the subject and to take every precaution and protection. Under the above tab, "N.R. Coaching," I have basic assessment questions, which indicate "red flags" that there's a problem and you need help.
It's possible to live in peace and find a position of strength in the midst of the attacks. Eventually the double-binds can be turned around. There are biblical principles that work. It's a combination of faith and timing. You can live a life free from fear and anxiety. Should I move forward and promote my coaching and I actually get clients, . . I firmly believe that I can help alienated parents develop a plan to recover and even eradicate abusers from their life. With God, some support and a plan, things can change!
Here are two Bible passages to chew on:
2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, and are called according to His purpose.
I provide narcissist recovery coaching for anyone dealing with an abusive narcissist bully, whether you have shared children or not. The initial consultation is free. If you can't afford it, I will do what I can to help you out!
To request coaching rates, email me at: email@example.com